trips and back home again

Last weekend, we took our second son back to college for the spring semester. While we were in Pennsylvania, we visited our oldest son who is in an accelerated program in graduate school in Bethlehem. We ate lunch and spent time walking around Bethlehem and doing a driving tour of campus. It was hard to leave our oldest sons in Pennsylvania, especially with the anniversary of our son John’s death coming up at the beginning of March.

It’s hard to watch our kids struggle. Yes, the struggle is part of life, and it can build resiliency. I worry about my second son who is quiet by nature and loves structure and routine. Sharing a room with a stranger is so hard for him; he does not enjoy change. He also needs a space to recharge. Dorm living is not that. But, he’s shared a room with a sibling most of his life, something many college kids can’t say. I decided I had to let it go and just support and encourage my son to find ways to create a new life away from us at college.

As y’all know, I’ve been working on my new environment here in Virginia. I’m learning to let go of the hang-ups I’ve had. For example, I feel like an imposter creative. When I shared with my therapist the many ways I’ve been creative with music, painting, photography, poetry writing, and arts and crafts from a young age, I realized that I am a multi-faceted creative person. In a sense, I have lived and breathed creativity as a way of life. But, I didn’t own it. I felt like an imposter because I thought my creative endeavors were never good enough.

Part of this imposter feeling came about because of a lack of support from my mom in particular. She was also unsupportive of my desire to take art courses in college. It’s hard for daughters when mothers put themselves in competition with their daughters rather than as a coach or mentor.

I’ve decided to push myself to be creative. I have a challenge on the Streaks app to take 2 photos daily. I’m also going to schedule time weekly to take pictures with my Canon 5D camera. I thought I would start by walking around our new hometown taking pictures of the buildings. I think finding a photo challenge on Instagram might help me come up with new ways to look at the world around me. This list of 10 assignments from The Spruce Crafts has enough room in it for experimentation and creativity.

The other big item on my list of priorities is tackling our home renovation projects. We need to wallpaper and put molding up in our first-floor bathroom. Last week, my son removed the wallpaper in the breakfast room for me. I’m eager to fix and clean the walls and then paint them. Finally, I need to finish painting the upstairs hallway which I started before Christmas.