As a Roman Catholic surrounded by a vast sea of various Protestant churches here in South West/Central Virginia, I have found myself embracing my faith at a deeper level. I had begun to dig into my faith before losing our middle son John. But, having a Catholic Church on every corner is vastly different from traveling 25 minutes to 1 of 3 Catholic Churches in our area in VA. The closest Catholic school is an hour away. The world I spent 23 years raising kids in no longer exists for me, my husband, and my family.
When we lost John, I didn’t think about what happened to him after his death. Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory were not doctrines I spent time on while preparing for Confirmation as an adult. I find the doctrine of purgatory fascinating, particularly because we are given the opportunity to atone for our unacknowledged sins from our lifetime.
What is it about humans that we struggle so hard to apologize and make reparations when we’ve done something wrong? I’ve seen this in my own life with my mother and my sister. Thinking about the indifference expressed by my mother about the impact of my son’s suicide on our lives adds so much to the grief I carry. Our mothers are supposed to be women who come alongside their children and carry them in times of sorrow and pain. My mother has never been that to me.
I don’t know how John felt about the Catholic faith we raised him in. I know he had questions. I know he struggled with certain aspects of the faith. I also know he had a strong moral compass and was kind, sensitive, and generally compassionate. He loved to hug and have fun and make people laugh and smile. I also know God told me once that John would be a priest.
This brings me to my Purgatory craft project and indulgences. Yes, indulgences have gotten a bad rap, thank you very much, Martin Luther. Simply put, indulgences are a way for Catholics to deepen their faith and offer up their own sacrifices to join with Jesus’s sacrifice on the Cross. Pious practices like visiting cemeteries and praying for the dead or reciting Hail Marys focusing on the life and sorrow of Mary or framing the day with the Morning Prayer and Evening Prayer of the Liturgy of the Hours draw us closer to God. They help us get to know God, talk to God, listen to God, and place Him at the center of our lives. Indulgences are doing the work of atonement and sacrifice to remove the obstacles we chose to place between us and God.
Because I choose to believe my son is in Purgatory to prepare himself for Heaven, I decided to write his name and the names of our deceased family members on a glass vase and place a candle inside. On November 2, All Souls Day, I lit the candle and prayed for my son and the other family members. My plan was to light the candle on Fridays and Sundays during November, however, I’ve been sick for several weeks. Since today is Friday, I’ll be lighting the candle.
While my craft is Catholic in purpose, anyone wishing to remember deceased family members could do this, too. I used a white Sharpie paint pen to write the names. I let the names dry for a few minutes in between to prevent smearing.
2 dogs and a house 
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