Wednesday was Ash Wednesday, marking the beginning of the Lenten season in the Roman Catholic Church calendar. Ashes are a sign of repentance and one’s humility before God.
I’ve been thinking about humility a lot this week. Listening to the Litany of Humility and the beginning of The Imitation of Christ inspired me to examine how I am in the world. One line, in particular, popped out at me: “From the desire of being consulted …” Why? Because I think there’s a sense of arrogance and pride in our need to be consulted. That we are important enough to be included in the decision.
I spent a lot of time angry and frustrated for the past five years or so. Angry and frustrated because I wasn’t consulted when I could have helped. When it was part of my job. When it was my role as a mother to be consulted about my son. I’m not sure how to reconcile the right to be consulted in these instances with the implication of arrogance and pride that can go along with that expectation.
On a deeper level, I am reminded that we can fall into the trap of expecting God to consult us about His plans. My anger is with the people who acted contrary to my desires and expectations. Is not my anger also with God for allowing these people to act freely? To act freely in such a way as to bring harm to myself and others?
I learned recently that the Eastern Orthodox Church starts the Lenten season with Forgiveness Sunday. Like Ash Wednesday, this is a moveable date always celebrated on the last Sunday before the start of the Great Lent. At the end of the service, each person publicly apologizes to other people. All is forgiven without discussion. We are reminded of God’s unconditional love and mercy. It sounds like a powerful service to attend.
So now I’m faced with the question of forgiving those who hurt me, in one case so irreparably that I lost my son forever. I know it’s what I need for healing and peace. I started with the first step: I’m praying for peace and healing for 4 people.
2 dogs and a house 
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