I decided to start a regular series on Friday about my Catholic faith and faith journey. I had planned on starting in one spot but couldn’t get started. Then, I realized I needed to start at the beginning (cue “Sound of Music”).
As always you’re free to read or not. I just know this is right for me to share.
After my son John died in 2020, I was not angry at God. It’s a common reaction, to be angry with God. To blame him for something evil, bad, or horrible. I didn’t. I was angry with John. I still am angry with John. I’m working on that, but that’s another story.
Then, one night, morning, whenever it was after John died, I was half asleep on our living room sofa, and I saw John. He was at the edge of my consciousness, just a dark shape, though I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he was wearing the black jacket I had just bought him a few months before. All he said was “Hi, Mom.”
I didn’t grow up in a Catholic family. The story goes that my mom, who was raised Catholic, taught by nuns and planned to be a nun, went to college and found beer and boys. Whatever the truth is, she baptized my sister and I, probably through the insistence of my very ardent Catholic great aunt. Though my dad’s mother was somewhat religious, I remember my dad focusing on science and history. We loved watching Carl Sagan’s Cosmos series; my grandfather bought me the book one year.
A little while after seeing John in a vision or something, that summer, I had a dream/vision/something. God said to me that John’s suicide was not His plan. I had a brief vision of 2 angels weeping on either side of John while he was dying.
When I was in high school, I became interested in Arthurian legend. I had read The Once and Future King along with a Time Life book my dad had that focused on the Celts. Something about the Holy Grail imagery caught me and pulled me in. I was fascinated by the Celtic/Roman background of the Arthurian legend, particularly when I read Mists of Avalon. Then, I came across Joseph Campbell’s book about the hero’s journey and learned more about the sacrifice of the Fisher King. Finally, I discovered C.S. Lewis and devoured his books, particularly Mere Christianity, Out of the Silent Planet, Perelandra, and That Hideous Strength.
During high school, I went on a choir trip to Washington D.C. We visited the National Cathedral where a nun gave us a tour. I still remember the glow on her face as she showed us around the cathedral.
A year after I graduated from college, I met my husband. He comes from a family of 6 kids; his mother was a DRE (Director of Religious Education). I started going to mass with my husband, then my boyfriend. One evening when I was coming home from working at a nonprofit in the city, I was walking across a golf course near our home when I realized Jesus had died for our sins. He had sacrificed himself. I decided to become confirmed as a Catholic; my mother-in-law took me through the process.
Raising kids Catholic without the background or many examples was difficult. I read lots of books, so many good Catholic homeschooling books. When I realized I couldn’t be effective as a teacher, we decided to put our kids in our local parish school. Unfortunately, the parish didn’t have much in the way of faith studies or support for parents. I figured out much of our Catholic parenting on my own.
A few years before we moved, our parish started a small evangelization committee. As a result of my involvement, I did a faith study series from Catholic Christian Outreach, an organization based in Canada. We lost John during the time I was doing the faith study. So many times during our study, I received scripture quotes from the Holy Spirit which encouraged me to keep moving forward.
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope”
Jeremiah 29:11
After losing John and moving to Virginia, I found myself digging deep into my Catholic faith. When one lives with a Catholic church on every corner, one assumes a new community will be the same. The truth is down here in Virginia close to West Virginia and North Carolina, we’re surrounded by Protestant churches and only 3 Catholic churches. I missed the parish community and I missed learning more about the Catholic faith.
Fortunately, I found a welcoming parish with an amazing adult formation program. The couple who lead the program are simply amazing. It is truly a blessing to go to the study every week. I’ve also been fortunate to do a Zoom faith study with friends from our old hometown.
Next week, why I’m Catholic.
2 dogs and a house 
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