As the first post on a new blog for me (my previous blog was called A Life in Balance), I’ll pick a spot to start. The day my son died is the day my life, and my family’s life changed completely.
March 5th will always be the day when we all lost our innocence, our sense of security. We measure our lives against the loss of John, our 14-year-old son.
It’s hard to write about John at this moment with the 2nd anniversary of his death in just a few days. I have a spot set up in our new home with pictures of John and a jar of dirt from his grave. Some days, I pass by and never look. Other days, I look at the picture of John with his cousin/godfather, and my heart drops. I quickly withdraw my eyes and swallow the pain.
It is what it is which is the most horrible loss in the world. It is also the reason why we are here in a new home in a new state. Some people grieve surrounded by the familiar, comforted by the memories, sights, sounds, and smells. Some people grieve by finding someplace new without the reminders while they remember everything. Neither is wrong. Both are the ways we as broken humans seek to make sense of a loss so profound that we can’t breathe and yet we must go on breathing because the dishes must be washed, the laundry done, the beds made, and the world continues to go on.
My husband needed a fresh start. When he looked around our home in Pennsylvania, all he saw were the renovations he had worked on with John. He and John had spent hours working together and talking. My husband has a lot of anger towards the school John attended and the teacher who knew John was struggling and did nothing.
I also knew we would not retire where we were. It was too busy, too full of people, despite the oasis we had created with friends and family. I knew when we looked into Lynchburg that this was right for us. While it would be hard for me in particular to leave friends and family, I was also excited about being out in the country and the many opportunities to visit new places.
And here we are. Our youngest 2 children moved with us while our son who is a senior in high school remained behind to finish his final year. We brought our Bernese Mountain Dog, Tobey, with us. In January, Winston, an English lab, joined our family; he’s now 3.5 months old.
The home we purchased is about 3 times the size of our old home, situated on a wooded acre lot. The previous owner was very fond of wallpaper. It will be going. We’ve painted 2 bedrooms so far. We’re slowly going to update the house to reflect our tastes. The yard will be updated too though gardening will be a bit of a challenge with the clay soil of Virginia. We’re planning on doing a lot of the work ourselves, especially me since I am no longer working.
2 dogs and a house 
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